First, this family email is going to be more short, I don't have a lot of time, so I apologize.
In all honesty, this week has been quite long. Leadership is exhausting. It is good and amazing, but exhausting. A lot of the hermanas have had strep and everyone is sick. Pero, I am so grateful for the Hermanas in my district. It has been an absolute pleasure to serve them. Without saying too much, I definitely know that I was called for a reason, and my companion as well, it has become evident in our zone meetings. It is amazing how much we rally together to help others. Leadership is such an amazing experience. It really isn't a position of leadership, it is a position of service. I have learned so much from this. I have really learned to listen to the spirit, and it has helped me so much in this calling. I have never felt so much love for the people I have served in my life. I have enjoyed getting to know the girls so much, and I hope I have served them well.
Guess what?? I leave early Monday morning!! It is so crazy that I am leaving so soon. Honestly, I still suck at Spanish, but I am definitely improving. I can actually have conversations with people, so I guess that's a good sign! Haha. I am very sad to leave my district. They have been my rock and have been so amazing to me. I could not have gotten these six weeks without them. All of the Hermanas in my district are going to Kentucky with me, so that's good!
There is one spiritual experience I want to share this week. I want to start off by saying how powerful the spirit can be, even during all of my lessons with my fake investigators. I receive revelation for them, and what I think I should share with them. Its amazing how the spirit works and how much of a tool and asset it is if used correctly. I couldn't do anything without the spirit.
During my personal study, I have really started to pray for the people I am teaching and that during my study I can be impressed to find things for them. One of our lessons was on the plan of salvation. To be honest, I have really, really struggled to teach this lesson with the things that have happened back at home. Death is such a tough pill to swallow. One thing I have learned is that by nature, we are all eternal beings, and that is why losing people, saying goodbye, and the concept of time is so difficult for us to handle. It is our nature to want a forever, and to not want an end to things. Sometimes I have found it so difficult to teach someone about being able to see their family again, and life after death, because in reality, losing someone is so hard, and can be so excruciating. This lesson really helped me to bring happiness and joy to others. The plan of salvation and life after death really does bring happiness, even in the worst times of sorrow.
This particular investigator had lost many children, and was angry with God, and could not feel Gods love. In my earlier study, I felt impressed to write down the reference D and C 121:7 through 9. I had no idea why, and I had a completely different lesson plan. Obviously, the spirit had an entire different lesson plan for my companion and I. As we talked with him about feeling God´s love, he asked about what he needed to do to receive it, and that he felt completely alone and didn't believe that God was really there for him. Before I shared with him this scripture, I gave him some background, and it was a perspective that I had never thought about before, but that spirit put into my mind and heart. This is the scripture where Joseph Smith was in liberty jail, and questioned if God was really there. Joseph Smith had seen God, and Jesus Christ. Yet, he was in so much turmoil and pain, that he was crying out to his father, and begging to know where he was. That fact impacted me so much. His pains were so excruciating, and even after actually seeing God, Joseph still didn't know if God was there, or if he loved him. My companion and I were in tears, and our teacher was emotional as well. It was such an amazing moment. I know that things can be hard that the pains and sorrows we feel can be beyond anything that we can describe. But God is always there. I know I talk about this a lot, but this is because of how much I believe in this. He is there for you. Your afflictions, your trials, and your heartaches will be but a small moment. But, the key is that we have to endure it well, and ask for God´s help. God didn't reveal any of this to Joseph until he asked for it, and asked for his love. As individuals, and for me, I have learned so much for this. God is always there, the gospel is always there, but we have to ask for it.
I am so grateful for my experience at the MTC. It has absolutely changed my life. I have never felt so many sadness's, pains, or Satan´s influence, but at the same time felt the spirit and the power of teaching by the spirit so strong. I and all, missionaries have become enemy number one to Satan, and I can definitely feel it. At times it has been absolutely frightening. But God, Jesus Christ, and the spirit keep me going, carry me through, and give me the light I need, even when I feel like I have nothing more to give.I love this gospel so much. I love the Holy Ghost. He is the reason why I can be a representative of Jesus Christ. Through him, I teach and will teach what God wants me to teach. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything in the world. I have never felt so powerful and so close to the spirit in my life. I cant do anything without the spirit.
I love all of you so much. Thank you for making it possible for me to be here on a mission. It has been so amazing. Thank you for your words of encouragement, and your emails. I couldn't have gotten through this crazy ride called the MTC without you all.
Next week, I will be in Kentucky!! Talk to you then!
Hermana Failner
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